THE READING NOOK

    When as a kid I heard the story of Peter Pan, I always thought how stupid he is, to never want to grow up. At that time growing up for me only meant having freedom. Freedom ? Having  freedom just meant having control of my life. I wanted to control everything in my life, I thought if I could make the decisions of my life then everything will be ok and I will always be happy. I always told my mother that wait for me to grow up and I will turn my world around. But little did I know that the world I had before was better, carefree and easy.    Eventually I grew up and one day to my surprise all I wanted to do was go back and scold my old self for not appreciating my childhood. Back then my only and biggest problem was to wake up early in the morning and not be late to school. And now sleep is a rare stoppage for me and the life I have now makes it harder to sleep at night. And I know that after some time I am going to miss what I have right now, still I never learn to appreciate th

        Its like a dark cage sometime, where I know nobody can hear me but i still want to talk. For once I want to talk and not be judged for who I am and what all I have done in my life. I know I have lied to many people and hurt plenty more but every time a part of my soul was burning in the cross fire. And I know it hurts, it hurts so bad. But now the pain has become a part of me and its like I cannot even feel it anymore. Now, I know how to shut it all down. But when has life not found a loop hole in the way I try to save myself from going to that dark place. Life gets to those triggers and once in a while it puts me through that hell. And for every time I get out, I am one step closer to losing control. I cannot afford losing control, because that is all I have got. It feels like I have gone numb due to the pain. There are days when the rising sun doesn't tempt me to wake up, get out of my bed. But does that even matter ? Now the night and the darkness attracts me. It just