THE VOICE WITHIN SAID....

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        Its like a dark cage sometime, where I know nobody can hear me but i still want to talk. For once I want to talk and not be judged for who I am and what all I have done in my life. I know I have lied to many people and hurt plenty more but every time a part of my soul was burning in the cross fire. And I know it hurts, it hurts so bad. But now the pain has become a part of me and its like I cannot even feel it anymore. Now, I know how to shut it all down. But when has life not found a loop hole in the way I try to save myself from going to that dark place. Life gets to those triggers and once in a while it puts me through that hell. And for every time I get out, I am one step closer to losing control. I cannot afford losing control, because that is all I have got. It feels like I have gone numb due to the pain.
There are days when the rising sun doesn't tempt me to wake up, get out of my bed. But does that even matter ? Now the night and the darkness attracts me. It just seems more peaceful. But I still have hope, I still want to believe that I can talk myself through my walk through hell. I hope I always find my way out. But I am afraid this hope is only my way of trying to keep my head above the water, to breathe. The day I get lost will be the day I will stop feeling the last grain of humanity I have. I don't want that to happen. I want to stop it. I want it to go away. I want an out. I need an out.

THANKS. 

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